Culture Wars

"What's your favorite thing about Colombian culture?"

Someone asked me this recently, and I was like a deer caught in headlights. My brain worked overtime to try to come up with something, anything, just a little bit of some positive experience that I could grab a hold of and use.

Fortunately, someone mercifully changed the subject, and I was off the hot seat, but the experience stayed with me, and I kept thinking about it

I started to wonder: Do I in fact like nothing about Colombian culture? Though as soon as I posed myself this question, I felt its lack of truth. If I hated being in Colombia so much, why is it that I have no desire to leave?

Then I tried another line of questioning: What is Colombian culture? I had no idea how to answer that. How does one even begin to define a culture from nothing more than their own subjective experience? Considering the uniqueness of each successive experience in a day, how do I begin to organize them into data sets about which generalizations can be made? And is total objectivity even possible? Are we only able to say something is cultural by comparing it to our own?

For example, if I am in the mall, and people seem to be completely and utterly spatially oblivious, do I chalk that up to:a) Colombian culture?
b) a pan-cultural thing wherein everyone automatically forgets how to walk in malls?
c) a characteristic of Colombian culture that also, by chance, is similar to American culture?
d) or is the vividness of my frustration in these instances causing me to remember those more than all the times that someone actually acted like I existed and let me pass by without saying con permiso three times?

I started to really think about this the more I heard people try to discuss Colombian culture. It seemed that often someone would recount a particular instance and then end it with "Yeah, Colombians are really _____." Because I sometimes wish I were a mentat and can't help to automatically think about sets of premises and a conclusion in terms of what little training I have in logic, I realized that:

1) Ca (Ana is a Colombian.)
2) La (Ana arrives late.)
3) Ca>La (If Ana is Colombian, then Ana arrives late.)
∴ ∀x(Cx>Lx) (Therefore all Colombians arrive late.)

is a total fallacy. A "hasty generalization" to be precise, which is a fitting name.

I think part of the problem is that statements about culture tend to be too narrow. "X culture likes this," "X culture doesn't really eat that," and so on. The problem with these sorts of statements is that they don't leave a lot of room for an individual's manifestation of a particular cultural characteristic. It takes a lot more work, time, and compassion, but I think there's a way to rephrase these thoughts in a way that are not only free of judgement but allow them to maintain their truth as each individual in that culture expresses them in a certain way.

The problem with this is that it takes significant time to gather a lot of data and effort to think through it without falling prey to some sort of mental bias. And patience and work are things that humans are often adverse to. We'd much prefer to leave it as something simple and move on to the next thing. But I've come to penetrate Colombian culture, among other things, and this is my strategy.

Yeah, sorry...

It's something I'd recommend even within the United States, with all our different cultures trying to coexist peacefully and, truthfully, not doing to great of a job at it. This is how the capacity for empathy is built, little by little, and this is how I'll be able to one day not be so frustrated by all sorts of little things here. In fact, even just yesterday, I caught myself thinking, as I walked down Calle 5 from the mall to my home, "Maybe this isn't so bad. Maybe I am getting used to this after all."

So what is my favorite thing about Colombian culture? Maybe it's ability, more so than other cultures I've experienced, to challenge me to think about myself, to realize that perhaps I wasn't as open-minded and free-thinking as I used to believe I was, and it's gift of an opportunity to push those bounds a little farther.

Oh, and the food. I mean, an aborrajado with a jugo de mora en leche.... ♥...

I'm a fake

Since I started talking about psychology last entry, I thought I'd stick with it for one more week and talk about impostor syndrome. Every time I feel like I've take a step forward in my aspirations in life, I get a sudden attack of this mental malady. When I was in acting school, my first semester scene study teacher, the infamous Nicholas Martin-Smith, said that some people are afraid of failure (me) and, even worse, some people are afraid of success (me too as it turns out). I didn't really understand what he meant by that second bit, but years later it dawned on me exactly what that meant. I just like to call it by its fancy name.

I'm not stranger to impostor syndrome. It happened back when I was first asked to evaluate translations for the ¿What's in a Nombre? edition of phati'tude literary magazine and then again when I was asked to be the head translator for Jesus Papoleto Melendez's ¡Hey Yo / Yo Soy! 40 Years of Nuyorican Street Poetry for 2Leaf Press. I can remember thinking, quite vividly in the latter case, "It hasn't even been a year since I graduated. What do I know? Why are they even listening to me? Why do they have any confidence at all? I'm still a student!" Of course, what I didn't pay attention to was the other voice in my head that tried to say, "Because you graduated valedictorian of your class of a giant college in the City University of New York system. Because you came highly recommended by the head of Hunter College's translation program. Because you know you're going to work with that poetry for hours to make sure its translations are perfect." But of course, that voice never gets any airtime.

Why do I even let that voice think it's in charge?... It ain't Meryl!

So here I am now, chosen as a Fulbright English Teaching Assistant, and as I hear more and more about my potential responsibilities, I feel it. You see, that "assistant" part has a varying degree of weight. Some people end up running a conversation club, and others end up teaching full classes; it just depends on what the university--in my case the Pontifica Universidad Javeriana--wants to do with you. It's a private university, and I am told that that increases the likelihood of being less of an assistant and more of an independent teacher of my own classes. On one hand, this is great! It's what I want: the more independent the experience, the better. One of the reasons I applied for this fellowship was to let it be a test run for teaching in a university setting. On the other hand, independence is always a scary thing. Implicit in independence is the potential to be lost and confused (yet to find yourself), to be unsure (yet to gain self-reliance), to fail (yet to have a chance at success that is completely of your own making).

There's a lone of thought that always pops up in impostor syndrome. It's what defines it: "Why do they believe in me?" "Why do they listen to me?" "Why do they think I'm of any use?" And it's thought that impostor syndrome occurs from an inability to internalize accomplishments. I'm not sure how one goes about doing that really. What does it mean to internalize an accomplishment? That my identity and the accomplishment are somehow entwined? Maybe that makes sense to you, dear reader, but I can hardly wrap my mind around that beyond that other than what the words mean. However, I do know this: In the end, questions like those actually insult the person or people who have chosen to work with you. The idea that I've some how tricked someone says that they're gullible, stupid, inattentive, or some combination thereof, and I know I don't believe that. When I confront these implications, I can't help but to see how illogical it is.

Sidenote: I love the phrase "reductio ad absurdum" and
try to fit that little gem in whenever I can.

Reductio ad absurdum: I can't both think that these people are as qualified as I do and that I can pull a fast one on them. By seeing that what I'm thinking can't be true, my head gives my heart a helping hand out of the black morass that they wandered in to, and I'll push those voices back into the dark corner they came from. Until next time. Again and again until the time that I can greet them as an old frenemy who has just stopped in town for a visit.