That Time I Watched Too Much Doctor Who (Coffee Region Trip: Aspect 1)

A few months ago, I decided to finally tackle a show that all my friends seemed to love: Doctor Who. As I watched seven and a half seasons, I can't help but wonder what it would be like to travel with the Doctor, how many milliseconds it would take me to say yes if he asked me, and whether I would end up like this jerk.

His name's Adam too, as it turns out.

But while that asshole caught kicked out for putting a hole in his head (cute), I wondered if I would be more like this girl, who looked out into space and vomited.

Who also was annoying as all fuck...

Because of these deep feelings of inadequacy, I decided to try to make this backpacking trip about showing myself I could maybe, kind of, sort of have what it takes to be a companion.

Challenge #1: The Coffee Amusement Park

So, you know what goes with my fear of heights pretty well? A fear of roller coasters. I've always been pretty chicken shit with roller coasters. After I warmed up riding a cable car (oooh, the horror!), I continued to work my way up by going on the one "high impact" roller coaster that was clustered with all the dinky, children coasters.

Small children ride this?

As you can see, it tilts up in the air. I didn't know that detail before I got on. I figured it was more like a centrifuge and that it was just going to spin around really quick, not really getting far from the ground. So, at first I was fine. No big deal. But then I noticed slowly but surely, the ground inching further and further away, and before I knew it I was the three quarters upside down and reciting the Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear.

These people seem
totally fine with it though.
They're probably some sort of death cult.

I also rode some water rides that were exciting but not a big deal and a roller coaster that I kept thinking would take my head off. (Thanks, Caitlin!) But there was one that I hesitated with. It was a giant needle that lifted you to the top and then dropped you a few times. Since it was already on a mountain, when it raises you up and you look out over the trees and at the setting sun, you're pretty high. When I got up there, I almost shit myself. I mean, I kept it together, but you know, like internal shit. But there was really only a few moments to feel much of anything because it soon released and fell. I almost blacked out. Not exactly out of fear but the change in gravity or something was so sudden, it makes you want to pass out. Surprisingly, I didn't die.

Challenge 2: Hike out to the middle of a nature reserve and survive a grumpy old lady

I should have listened...
"En serio señora muy mala onda!"
("Seriously rude lady!")

Okay, so not too extreme. I took the bus from Armenia to Salento, joined a jeep with other people heading to Valle de Cocora, and from there I set out to Acaime Humming Bird sanctuary. I unsuccessfully dodged pits of mud, crossed rickety bridges, and jumped across rushing streams, all going uphill into the mountains. When I got to Acaime, I was greeted by a nice old man and a megabitch of an old lady. I asked to stay the night there. I dropped my backpack off and visited a cloud forest before I decided to come back. I had forgotten to buy food or water before I left Salento and I was running out of energy.

When I got back, a group of backpackers had arrived and decided to stay. The woman showed us the room. There was no hot water, heat or electricity, and "dos velas, nomas!" ("two candles, that's it!"), which she told me and the leader of the other group like some sort of drill sergeant, much to our amusement. She spoke with a strange accent and seemed to be angry about everything. I really should have paid attention to the sign.

I spent the night there, piled under the heavy blankets, but the mountain cold still got in. I didn't sleep too well, and as soon as there was light, I headed back to Salento to take the bus to Pereira. I had successfully dealt with cold, hunger, nature's elements, and one bad-tempered old lady.

Challenge 3a: Ziplining
Later, in Manizales, I went to Los Yarumos, a strange sort of park that looked like what I imagined No Doubt's Tragic Kingdom to be. There were, however, two things worth noticing: a short zipline and a rope bridge. I didn't look at them too long. I handed over some pesos and was all like "take me to the fun stuff!"

Two guys who worked with the park came with me. While they were getting everything ready, I looked over the ledge of the zipline and peered down at all 230 feet of depth. I promptly lost my shit. After they spent a good deal of time  trying to convince me, I spent another eternity at the ledge. They kept telling me nothing would happen, and I said I believed them. And they told me the hardest part was starting off, and I said I believed them. I tested the cords. I let myself feel that they were indeed there to catch me, and after counting to three five or six times, I finally jumped off.

I was freaked out for a second, but I quickly I started to enjoy it. It wasn't much different than being in a swing. But like some cosmic practical joke, the cords started to twist and I began to rotate around, and I looked back at the ledge and the guy standing there with a look that was equal parts fear and helplessness, trying to send some sort of telepathic message for help and being too scared to even make a sound. But before I knew it, I was nearing the crash pad, and bam, I had hit it. The other guy brought out a stool for me to stand on while he unhooked me, and it was over.

It was absolutely exhilarating.

Challenge 4: Rope Bridge
The same, however, probably could not be said of the rope bridge. I had initially thought this would be easier than the ziplining. Stupid Adam. When we arrived at the the bridge, I started off with no problem and a third of the way across. However, when it started to go over the deeper parts of the valley, I froze. "Put your left foot in front of your right foot," the cute guide behind me said. "Okay," I whimpered back. But it was impossible to do this without looking down. The rope wasn't all that thick. I hesitated longer, standing there, seeing eternity stretched out on the other side of that bridge. "You can do this. I've come across here with an eight year old," he said. I'd like to meet that eight year old. He'd make a better companion than me. After my legs started to shake ("You're starting to shake a lot.") and my knees felt really weak, I had to turn around. A regretful decision because I was too scared to make a full turn and walking backwards, though it felt easier, was not exactly low stress.

I felt disappointed with myself, but I tried to forget about it. Later that night, as I was falling asleep, in that space between our world and nod, I saw myself walking across that bridge again, determined to continue, and as I took my next step, my foot slipped and I felt the rope slide along my bare foot and my heart race up my throat and into my mouth. I convulsed in my bed and woke up. Yeah, probably the right choice about that bridge.